Help! My kid is feeling overwhelmed!!
We expect a lot from our students. When you stop and think about all that they are being required to do, it can seem a bit daunting. Every day, kids are expected to arrive on time, remember various adults' special rules, interact positively with their peers, sit still for questionably long periods, and learn new information and skills.
Naturally, the rigid school atmosphere can make some children feel completely overwhelmed. When a student is stressed at school, that can often bleed over into the rest of their life, forever impacting their relationship with education. It's important for parents to aid their kids so here are some suggestions.
1. Before anything else, listen to your kid.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many parents reach out to the school before they even bother to talk to their kid. There are some clear signs that a child may be stressed at school that a parent should look for. Some students might exhibit uncharacteristic and temperamental outbursts, cry, or explicitly tell their parents how they're feeling. If your kiddo tells you repeatedly that they're not able to finish their homework, pay attention. What they're telling you is they need help in specific areas.
2. Mind your language.
Zero percent of people have been made calmer by someone telling them to calm down. The same holds true for an anxious or overwhelmed child. Do not belittle their concerns or use language that suggests they can easily be fixed. It may not be big to you, but it is big to them.
3. The teacher is your child's first line of defense.
Your child’s teachers are the ones who are in the room with your kiddo all day. If there is a specific class of concern, using the teacher's preferred method of communication, contact them to schedule a time that you can talk with them whether in person or by phone. This will allow the teacher to gather any materials relevant to your concern (things like in-class assignments and group work can be helpful to monitor the situation).
4. Before the conference, tell your child that you're meeting with the teacher.
This is super important because you do not want your kid to find out about the meeting from the teacher or after the fact because it can feel like the adults are teaming up against them.
Some teachers are mixed on whether or not they want the child present. A possible compromise is having your child wait outside and bringing them in toward the end of the meeting.
Either way, before the conference, you must be honest with your child. Tell them that you are meeting their teacher because you believe they are feeling overwhelmed (or a similar kid-friendly term) and that you want to help. Ask them if they have anything they want to say or know, or if they have a question for you to ask the teacher on their behalf.
5. Set up an action plan to manage stress.
With your school counselor, set up an action plan to manage stress in areas of your student's life. Keep in mind that very often when one area is off balance, like losing track of time or a school bully, the rest of the areas suffer, too.
6. Make their home setup as relaxing as possible.
Just because they're overwhelmed doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be excused from having to work. Whatever workstation they have, be it at their own desk or at the dining room table, make sure it is calm. Music when studying can be good, especially for an anxious child, because the goal here is to make schoolwork more enjoyable. However, the volume should be at a manageable level so that they can still hear themselves think. Consider getting plants or a calming sensory bottle to help them focus.
7. Be prepared to drop activities.
Your child may have a few extracurriculars that they love, so time management is a huge skill to learn, and it's important that parents validate that school and their education is an important element of their day and life. You can always build back on the activities when things are better, but be prepared to press pause if needed.
8. Yoga is your new best friend.
One of my favorite activities, yoga, has been shown to improve mindfulness, increase positive body image, reduce stress, and improve core symptoms of ADHD in school-age children. It doesn't have to involve going to a gym and shelling out a bunch of money for a chic mat. There are a lot of short videos online that are geared toward children who want to practice yoga. Doing it with them has also been shown to increase bonding and improve parent/child relationships.
